By the year 2020, I was tired of having to live up to my family’s expectations. Nevertheless, I continued because I was satisfied when my family was happy. By the time I had reached my lowest point, I was so tired of the charade, and I casually asked about the situation on Twitter.
“Pain for the sake of making others happy, how long will it last?” I tweeted at the time.
My friend replied: “Until you realize that you have to make yourself happy first. Anyway, be selfish now, don’t keep making people happy. You’re tired of being expected to be. It’s okay to change. We need a break.”
At that moment I felt a little relieved. Some people still wanted to care, even though they didn’t know my true condition. I was finally at peace with the idea of not overexerting myself. I had to rest. Even if it was only for a short time.
Other than that response, there was also a response that I actually wanted more.
“As long as you don’t realize that hurting yourself to see their happy is what makes you happy, that’s why you do it — with Emoticon Laughing With Tears -” she tweeted.
Personally, a happy environment makes me happy. In order to create that, I had to be willing to sacrifice my free time, even with a bit of rebellion, to be able to engrave the smiles of those closest to me. Suddenly, I met a person who was genuinely a source of happiness for others, even when he was unhappy himself.
It was at the graduation ceremony that I met him. He didn’t even know I existed. In a nutshell, he was appointed to be the chief executive officer of the graduation ceremony, and I was entrusted to be his deputy. I saw him once during The Student Appreciation Event because he was the one who delivered the impression speech of representing his friends. I also heard his name being discussed among my friends. And I heard that one of my friends had a crush on him.
Besides my friend-love-story, I tried to get to know him so that we had a long chat about the event. He seemed friendly in his texting style. It was always nice, even though I was always replying with snappishness and seemed to be indifferent. I don’t know much about him. As far as I know, he doesn’t know me at all.
We kept in contact with each other. I got to know his daily life through the stories he shared. It’s not much, and it’s not too specific, but it gives enough information for people who want to get to know him. As far as I know, he is close to the children in his ward. He loves his mother as well. I remember one of the captions from the story he shared. It went something like this:
“Making other people happy is part of the fun of life.”
Back to the many days filled by the hassle of managing events. This reality greatly shattered my expectations. Being at the same school doesn’t necessarily mean you think the same way. Environmental, social, and personal differences are the hurdles. There was one incident that caused quite a stir on both sides of the committee until he sent me a message, confirming that it was not my thoughts that were causing the stir. He encouraged me to keep the negotiations going smoothly. In fact, I was enjoying my world, watching my favorite show, and had no idea there was an uproar.
He would also often make sure that I was all right, that I was not hurt or anything like that about what his friends were doing during the meeting. In fact, he was the kind of person who was in need of more support.
During the first week of Ramadan, which is probably the busiest week for him, he still took the time to give me a ‘gift’. He said it was a gift. One of my friends interpreted it as something else. He also congratulated me, even though he felt like a failure at the time. He also gave me another ‘gift’ at the event that had finished, even though I had never returned the previous gift, instead just giving a burden that was less memorable.
Supposedly, the person is already happy because he has found his way after failing before. Supposedly, both he and I have decided to stop greeting each other for the time being in order to better enjoy the life we were aiming for.
Whether he was aware of it or not, I have learned a great deal from him. Who would have thought that I would pay more attention to my ward than I did before? Who would have thought that making people happy would be so much fun?
